


If The World Was Ending

by LordofLezzies



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:14:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26887936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordofLezzies/pseuds/LordofLezzies
Summary: After Derek's death Meredith finds out that she is pregnant and goes to see Addison.
Relationships: Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery
Comments: 9
Kudos: 71





	If The World Was Ending

**Author's Note:**

> Anyway this was basically, totally inspired by the JP Saxe/Julia Michaels song If the World Was Ending, which if you like me are living in 2020 right now, it basically is ending.
> 
> So I kept hearing this song on the radio and it immediately gave me meddison feels and this idea took shape, I cried trying to write it several times, so I hope you enjoy it. Feedback is appreciated.

_But if the world was ending_

_You’d come over, right?_

_You’d come over and you’d stay the night_

_Would you love me for the hell of it?_

_All our fears would be irrelevant_

_If the world was ending_

_You’d come over right?_

_The sky’d be falling and I’d hold you tight_

_And there wouldn’t be a reason why_

_We would even have to say goodbye_

_If the world was ending_

_You’d come over right? Right?_

She had left the kids with Alex. It had been one month, one week and five days since her husband had died. Six weeks, forty-two days, over a thousand hours, and it felt like the end of the world. It didn’t feel real. She was pregnant and the world was ending. Her world was ending, and so she got in the car and drove. It was directionless at first, almost as if she were driving in circles, but she went south, and she was taking the I-5 towards Portland. It was strange, the sky changed from dark to light, she had stopped for gas and food, but nothing really registered until she passed the Welcome to California sign. Even after that she still kept driving, it wasn’t until hours later when she was in San Fransisco that she stopped and reached for her phone. She dialed a number she knew by heart and waited as the phone rang.

“Are you home?” She asked the moment the other woman picked up the phone. It didn’t matter that she was still more than 5 hours away.

“Meredith where are you?” She asked. Meredith wondered if Alex had called her, even if he had she wasn’t angry.

“San Fransisco,” she answered simply.

“I can come get you,” Addison said softly, “Or I can meet you,” she tried. Meredith just shook her head despite the fact that Addison had no way of seeing her.

“No, I, I need to keep going.” Her voice shook and she felt herself tremble, but it felt like something she was watching rather than something she was experiencing. Nothing felt real anymore and she needed to keep driving.

“I’ll be home,” Addison replied gently.

“Alone?” Meredith knew that the redhead and Jake had recently filed for divorce and their custody arrangements with Henry were tense.

“I can make that happen,” Addison answered automatically. The line fell silent.

“Okay,” Meredith whispered, “I have to keep driving, I’ll see you in a few hours,” she said before disconnecting.

***

The moment they disconnected Addison dialed Alex.

“She’s in San Fransisco, she’s going to be here in a few hours.” He breathed a sigh of relief. “I have to make another phone call Alex, but I will text you when she gets here,” Addison added.

“Alright, thanks for calling,” he said before they disconnected and Addison dialed Jake to ask if he wanted an extra night with their son.

“What do you want Addison?” He asked as a way of greeting. She rolled her eyes deciding she would get straight to the point.

“A friend is coming into town tonight, I wanted to know if you’d like to have Henry tonight,” she said.

“So you want me to babysit so you can get laid?” He bit back.

“I believe when it’s your child it’s called parenting!” She snarked back and he chuckled in response.

“Fair point,” he conceded. Things were silent for a moment as his laughter subsided and it seemed as if he was contemplating what he wanted to say next. “Are you just asking me because you have a hot date or,” he trailed off.

“Jake,” she sighed. This was frustrating for her, because she never wanted to put Henry in this position. He was only four, but he knew she was hurting and he knew Jake was responsible, but that was still his father and it was confusing for him, and Addison hated it all. “It’s not a hot date,” she responded softly. “He keeps asking when you’re coming home,” she added weakly. Tears stung her eyes and she swallowed hard, hoping that he wouldn’t hear her sniffle.

“Addie, you could give me another chance, I,” she cut him off.

“Can we not do this right now?” She shouted. “Do you want to spend the night with Henry or not?” She asked.

“I want to know who is banging my wife!” He yelled back. The hand she wasn’t holding the phone with immediately went to her head, this conversation was going to give her a migraine before Meredith and her emotional baggage arrived.

“I don’t have the energy for your bullshit Jake,” she huffed. “Do you want to see your son or not?”

“Yes,” he eventually answered. They hashed out the details and when the line disconnected Addison cried. She was glad to be alone in her office as she wiped her eyes. She didn’t have any other patients and she took several deep calming breaths before deciding that she would pick Henry up early and get him ready for a night with his father. She would call Sam and ask him to drop Henry off, because she couldn’t handle seeing Jake, and she couldn’t think about herself when Meredith was going to be on her doorstep in a few hours. She didn’t know how to prepare for that, and she put it out of her mind as she packed up her things and thought about her son.

***

Meredith knocked on the familiar beach house door and when Addison opened it she was overcome with the desire to curl into the taller woman.

“Derek was the love of my life, and Cristina is my soulmate, but I have never felt safe with anyone but you Addie,” she sobbed as Addison embraced her. “It feels like the world is ending, the ground is being pulled out from beneath me and the sky is falling and I can’t, I can’t do this Addison,” she wailed. She was vaguely aware of Addison’s hands around her shoulders, but it didn’t feel real. Time seemed to come to a complete stop and again it felt as though she was watching someone else. This wasn’t all happening to her. She wasn’t sobbing into her ex-lover’s shoulder. Except she was. It was all really happening to her and Addison pulled her inside and didn’t let her go as she sobbed into her shoulder.

They were somewhere soft. Meredith couldn’t remember how they had gotten there or how much time had passed since Addison had opened the door, but she felt secure in Addison’s embrace. For the first time in a long time she felt safe. No one was looking to her for answers to impossible questions. Addison didn’t need her to be anything more than just Meredith. No one else had ever made her feel so secure, not even Derek. It was the reason Meredith had found herself falling into the redhead’s bed on so many occasions. There were never any expectations with Addison. They weren’t meant to be together, but Addie felt like home.

“Addie, I’m so scared,” she whimpered. Tears were falling freely down her cheeks and her nose was runny, and Addison handed her a few tissues and stroked her hair. She didn’t offer meaningless words, just a steady physical presence like nothing would penetrate their world, because Addison wouldn’t let it, and when she did speak, she didn’t tell Meredith that it would be alright, instead she whispered “I’m here for you Meredith.” Meredith clung to her and continued crying before choking out, “I’m pregnant.” She didn’t have to say anything else because Addison knew. Addison knew her in a way no one else did, she understood her in a way that not even Cristina did.

The room was silent except for the sound of their breathing and Meredith became aware of her surroundings, she was on the sofa, sitting in Addison’s lap, her head was tucked against the redhead’s chest. She wasn’t sure how long they sat like that, but as Addison’s fingers tangled in her hair, she only felt relaxed. This was the best she had felt since Derek’s death and she wasn’t sure if she could go back to Seattle and face the end of the world again.

“Are you hungry?” Addison asked.

“Yes, but I haven’t really been able to keep much down,” she mumbled. Addison nodded in gentle understanding, before taking her hand and leading her into the kitchen. Meredith was slumped over the table as Addison busied herself with cooking and Meredith was only aware of her presence, and when Addison sat down and offered her a plate she smiled. Addison had cut up chicken breast and vegetables for her and some plain pasta. She smiled at the redhead as she took a few slow bites. The small effort was exhausting though and she leaned into Addison who pressed her lips to her temple, before suggesting that they go to bed. Meredith found herself agreeing and Addison took her by the hand again.

Everything was a blur after that and when she found herself situated against Addison in the familiar bed she wanted to cry again.

“Do you think things could have been different for us?” She asked. Addison remained silent and when Meredith tilted her head to meet the redhead’s eyes she saw the unshed tears. She was so desperate for her own comfort that she had neglected to consider that Addison was going through a rough divorce and was already emotionally drained. “Addie, I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“I try not to think about what might have been, I can’t change things no matter how much I wish I could. There are so many things I wish I could do over,” Addison said as the tears slid down her cheeks. She reached out to wipe them away.

“I know Addie, I keep thinking about all the things I could have done differently, and it just makes things hurt more,” she whispered before leaning forward to kiss the crying redhead. Addison kissed her back. There was no “we shouldn’t be doing this” or “we’re both emotional right now” or any buts. Meredith draped her arm across Addison and snuggled her head into Addison’s shoulder and they just laid there, like they had done so many times before. Meredith remembered Addison crying into her shoulder when Archer had been sick. She had come to Addie with Zola when she and Derek were fighting. She had cried to her about the clinical trial, and about how she would do the same thing all over again. Addie had come to Seattle when Mark died, and had too much to drink and sobbed on her. They sought each other out and the connection that they had was only for them. Cristina knew and Alex knew and Meredith was sure Addison’s friends knew, but Derek never did.

“Every reason we ever had to be apart seems really stupid right now,” Addie said with a sniffle.

“And now Derek’s gone and he never knew,” Meredith started, but Addison cut her off.

“He knew.” She gasped not expecting to hear that, not wanting to hurt Derek had been one of the excuses they used for their separation. “When you wrapped your arms around me when Archer was sick, he, he saw and I know he,” Addison sobbed and it was Meredith’s turn to offer comfort. “I thought if you knew that I’d lose you and,” Meredith linked their fingers and swiped Addison’s tears with the pad of her thumb.

“He never said anything.” Things grew quiet between them and they laid tangled together for a while.

“I lied,” Addison whimpered and Meredith tilted her head to meet sad gray eyes. “Jake didn’t have an affair.” The words confused Meredith as she stared up at Addie. That was a strange thing for her to lie about, and Addison sensed her confusion and continued. “I had a rough day and, and I kept your letters, and he, I,” she was crying and Meredith reached for a nearby box of tissues. “He knew how much they meant to me, he found where I kept them and he shredded them,” she sobbed. Meredith shifted their positions so that Addison was on top of her with her head against Meredith’s chest and she ran her fingers through red hair as the other woman sobbed.

“I’m not going to let you go Addie. I never meant to make you cry,” she whispered lovingly and Addison sniffled.

“No one else has ever written me love letters, and they always made me feel better when I had a rough day, like someone out there cared enough about me to write those, and he, he destroyed them,” she hiccuped.

“You deserve to feel loved and cherished Addie, you are one of the most incredible people I have ever met, and I’m sorry he did that, but I would write you a hundred more.” Addison’s lips curved upwards and formed a weak smile. Meredith reached out and wiped the tears away and smiled back at her.

“I know we can’t go back and change the things we wish we could, and I know I’m getting divorced again and Derek’s gone and, and I know it’s not ideal, but could we start over Mer?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” Meredith whispered.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [We Weren't Young Anymore (But We Were Restless)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26894131) by [bobbiejelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)




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